Sunday, January 12, 2014

Top ten films of 2013


Sorry this was so late, but I had to see Her before I made this. Unfortunately, it did not make the cut, although I will say that it's not just a look at modern relationships and the effect technology has on human beings, but it is also a charming tale of loneliness, humanity, and what love can do to us. But it is less about love, and more about a lonely beta schlub, and him trying to make an emotional connection. That being said, lets get started.
10. The Wolf Of Wall Street: The funniest movie of the year. The Wolf of Wall Street is the best paced film of the year, and is classic Scorsese. He uses music to transition, builds up tension in what seemingly are overly stretched scenes, and makes uncouth criminals into sympathetic and likable characters. Great acting all around, and very reminiscent of Goodfellas, and that is not a bad thing
9. Riddick: Exactly what it needed to be. It perfectly celebrates the iconic action hero trope that this decade is deprived of. It has tight action, one liners, masculinity, and the film being guided by Vin Diesel's gravelly voice really hearkens back to a time when it was okay to be macho. Riddick delivers, and it delivers where most action films nowadays fail.
8. Side Effects: FUCK YOU DON JON!!!!!!!! This is a film about manipulation and paranoia, and it just tells its fucking story. It never panders, it never pulls its punches, it just cares about what its doing. And what it does, it does well. Fuck the imaginary patriarchy, fuck the feminist over-analyzation , its just about criminals, and what happens when somebody fights back and stands up to them.
7. Dallas Buyer's Club: A perfect workshop for acting. Just all around perfect performances, especially from Jared Leto, and my man, Matthew McConaughey. Jared Leto was phenomenal, granted he couldn't hold a candle to Daniel Bruhl in Rush, but McConaughey was the real diamond in the rough. After being snubbed for Killer Joe, I would love to see him win an Oscar this year.
6. Before Midnight: Its a better look at love than Her, not that I'm shitting all over Her, but it shows where love can take us, and how people eventually grow apart. But if the love is strong enough, somebody will fight for it. Handsome Hawke
5. 12 Years A Slave: Steve McQueen is the new Paul T. Anderson. Not that Paul T. Anderson is going away, but he is a pure artist, pulls no punches, is an actor's director and shoots the most gorgeous films. I have been an open advocate for Shame and Hunger, even though I don't recommend them to everyone. His films are hard to watch, but if you can make it to the end, there are no other film makers that give you that much emotional or mental stimulation, apart from documentary film makers. Plus Michael Fassbender is, as ever, among the top actors in the game, and his performance was second, only to Daniel Bruhl in Rush
4. Inside Llewyn Davis. The least Coen Brothers-y film ever made. Inside Llewyn Davis is a somber, yet beautiful tale of a young musician, just trying to make it through life. We all go to the movies to escape reality, but sometimes its nice just seeing somebody who goes through the same shit we all go through. Accompanied by great music and a very sympathetic lead, I place this so high, because of the relatability of the film.
3. The Conjuring: Classic fucking horror. Not only is this the scariest film of the year, it is actually scary, and made by people who give a shit. Unlike those god awful Paranormal Schlocktivity films, The Conjuring works by utilizing tension build up, clever camera work, editing, and sheer terror, rather than relying on the illusion of scares by slamming doors, and other loud noises that startle, rather than scare. The Conjuring is the kind of movie with images that stay with you, rather than the cheap and exploitative paranormal fucktivity. Fuckin Annabell
2. Pacific Rim: BAM! BOOM! POW! IN THE FACE!!!!!!! The best adaptation of Rock-em, Sock-em Robots. Pacific Rim is a film that is made by someone who wants to please their audience, and thank you Warner Bros, for letting that happen. It is a movie that I wish I had as a kid, but I'm so thankful that I have it as an adult. You all should be praising this film for the rest of your days, because it is a simple action film that embraces everything that makes this type of film succeed. This should be celebrated, while Transformers should be shunned. Lets work hard to get a sequel to this made. My love for this film is on par with my love for Dredd. Let us all unite to show Hollywood that we want quality pictures with likable leads, strong women, comic relief that doesn't distract us from the tone of the overall picture and Giant Robots
1. Rush; Duh. Rush is the best movie of the year. Fuck everything else. Brilliant cinematography, exciting racing scenes, raw emotion, and Ron Howard's tightest direction since Apollo 13 (granted I think it is better than Apollo 13). But the real thing that drives this thing home is the performance of Daniel Bruhl. While he comes off as an asshole, everything he says is right. He is my favorite character of the year, even though he is playing real life legend Nicki Lauda.
There it is. Sorry Iron Man 3, sorry Mud, but sometimes, its just not enough to be amazing and well written films. Sometimes you need to hit your audience. I will see you all next time
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      -L.K

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Worst films of 2013


AVOID THESE AT ALL COSTS!!!!!!!!!
5. Don Jon: Uninteresting story, unsatisfying resolution, a monstrously hate-worthy female lead (character, not performance), and the point of a villain that you hate is that you can't wait to see something bad happen to them. (Play Misty For Me, Road House, Total Recall)
4. Dead Man Down: Questionable motives, thin characters and really dull plot. Unlike Man of Steel, which at least had a handful of cool action sequences and Michael Shannon, Dead Man Down has nothing redeemable. They even scarred the gorgeous Noomi Repace!!!!!!!!!
3. Beautiful Creatures: Hard to believe there are worse things this year than this steaming pile of shit. This was torture. Some of the worst dialogue I have ever heard. This film is worse and more exploitative than Twilight. On top of that, its portrayal of the south is fucking offensive. I'm so sorry, Jeremy Irons
2. Only God Forgives: PRETENTIOUS BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!! If you decide to watch this, (if you do, you have been warned) just see how long it takes you to either scoff at its pseudo-art house crap, or roll your eyes at its attempt at symbolism. Movies do not need incest inserted into them. And who the fuck has a desire to fuck a 14 year old? That is a strange number
1. You're next: For faggot, neck bearded hipsters only. If you are part of this demographic, I don't value your opinion anyway, and I hope you move to North Korea
That's it. I do these reviews because I care about you, and I want you to not be subjected to the same horrors I have been
Follow me on Twitter @TheLukasKrycek
Like me on Facebook: Lukas Krycek Comedy
    -L.K