Sunday, January 5, 2014

Worst films of 2013

5. Don Jon: Uninteresting story, unsatisfying resolution, a monstrously hate-worthy female lead (character, not performance), and the point of a villain that you hate is that you can't wait to see something bad happen to them. (Play Misty For Me, Road House, Total Recall)
4. Dead Man Down: Questionable motives, thin characters and really dull plot. Unlike Man of Steel, which at least had a handful of cool action sequences and Michael Shannon, Dead Man Down has nothing redeemable. They even scarred the gorgeous Noomi Repace!!!!!!!!!
3. Beautiful Creatures: Hard to believe there are worse things this year than this steaming pile of shit. This was torture. Some of the worst dialogue I have ever heard. This film is worse and more exploitative than Twilight. On top of that, its portrayal of the south is fucking offensive. I'm so sorry, Jeremy Irons
2. Only God Forgives: PRETENTIOUS BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!! If you decide to watch this, (if you do, you have been warned) just see how long it takes you to either scoff at its pseudo-art house crap, or roll your eyes at its attempt at symbolism. Movies do not need incest inserted into them. And who the fuck has a desire to fuck a 14 year old? That is a strange number
1. You're next: For faggot, neck bearded hipsters only. If you are part of this demographic, I don't value your opinion anyway, and I hope you move to North Korea
That's it. I do these reviews because I care about you, and I want you to not be subjected to the same horrors I have been
Follow me on Twitter @TheLukasKrycek
Like me on Facebook: Lukas Krycek Comedy

No comments:

Post a Comment